The End of the Universe

30 July, 2003 || 12:32

A quote from Lewis Black:

"I have come here tonight with some extraordinary news for you. ... I have made a major discovery. ... From the time that man first gazed at the heavens until now, the belief has been that the end of the universe exists out in space. Seems logical. It doesn't. It's here in the United States. And oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas. [Author's Note: Hmmm, I live here...] I know, I was surprised too. [*You're* surprised?] There's a comedy club there called 'The Laff Stop'. And if you walk to the end of the block, there sits a Starbucks. And directly across the street, there is another Starbucks. There is a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks. And ladies and gentlemen, *that* is the end of the universe. People have asked me 'How do you know this?' Well, go there. Stand between those two Starbucks. And when you look at your watch, time stands still. And what's truly amazing is that if you turn and look just at one Starbucks, immediately you think, 'You know, when I turn around, there can't *possibly* be another Starbucks behind me.' ... So you turn slowly, thinking maybe there's a McDonald's there, or an Exxon station, or maybe a Gap, but there's another Starbucks! Many people have asked, 'Are there too many Starbucks?' Well now we know. When you build a Starbucks across from another Starbucks, the game is over. You can build no more."

Not quite, Lew. He refers to the dual Starbucks on West Gray. Well, at the intersection of Westheimer and Post Oak Boulevard, I have found another Starbucks across from a Starbucks. What's more, across the street from both of those is the Galleria. And inside the Galleria are two *more* Starbucks. What's frightening is that in the last week, I have paid for coffee at three of these. I almost went to the fourth as well, but instead decided to go to Jamba Juice. Eee.

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..."