Josef and Julia Parts III and IV

2002-09-26 || 10:49 a.m.

Part III

Josef: Hey Julia. What's with this get-up? You look like you want to be a gypsy.

Julia: I'm practicing divination. I figured I might as well look the part.

Josef: Doesn't that usually require animal bones, or something?

Julia: Nah, this is Differential Divination: reading the future by looking at the arrows of a directional field.

Josef: Have you gone nuts?

Julia: No, just having fun. But there might be something to it. The universe is bound by laws of physics and math; isn't it then conceivable that the future could be divined by examining the results of these laws?

Josef: Maybe if you were talking about springs or speakers.

Julia: [Looking at computer screen] You'll need to replace your front shocks in ten days.

Part IV

Julia: Well well, if it isn't Josef, Jared, and Jérôme. Whazzat you working on, Diff Eq?

Josef: Yeah. It's not too hard, but it's really tedious, and we've been at it for a while. We're really sick of it.

Julia: Have fun then. I'm off to practice with my katana.

Jared: Don't hurt yourself.

Julia: Oh, I'll probably cut off a finger or two.

Jérôme: What?!

Julia: It's ok, because [pulls out brush] I have the magic Make-up Brush of Immortality.

Jérôme: Well, THAT makes everything ok.

Josef: Have fun, girl.

[Later]

Jared: Jérôme, you are such a ho. Why can't you date one woman at a time, huh?

Josef: I know. I'm amazed you haven't been savagely beaten by any of the myriad girls you cheat on at any given time.

Jérôme: See, this is a problem here. Guys everywhere whine about how they can never get women, and when one finally does, he's subjected to humiliation at the hands of his friends. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous.

Jared: We're not humiliating you because you're succesful, we're humiliating you because you're a cheap man-whore.

Jérôme: I'm not cheap; I charge by the hour.

Jared and Josef: [Groan]

[Later]

Jérôme: So what's the deal with #22? I can't figure that one out for the life of me.

Jared: Let me see your paper.

Jérôme: Yes, sir.

Jared: And stop calling me sir!

Jérôme: Yes sir.

Jared: Rrrr... You used Case One; you should use Case Two.

Jérôme: So I see. Thank you very much, sir.

Jared: I'm not your sir; I'm not your ma'am; I'm not your ANYTHING.

Jérôme: Yo mah BITCH.

Jared: [Gets up to retreive mini baseball bat]

[In the Hall]

Jared: Back from practice? How was it?

Julia: Pretty good. You look happy. What's with the mini-bat?

Jared: I'm using it as a symbolic threat.

Julia: Oh, I see. What's all the commotion in there?

Jared: I'm not sure.

Julia: Well, I suppose I should say hi to Josef and Jérôme before I go shower. [Opens door] Hi guys... WHAT?!

Why are you fighting over whose boobs are bigger?!

Jérôme: Don't all guys?

Julia and Jared: [Shake head in unison]